


awkward silence

by bangyabangya



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Felix being oblivious, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I don't know the ship name for this, Korean is hard, M/M, Poly dance line, Polyamorous Character, Polyamory, it's not his fault though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-15
Updated: 2018-09-15
Packaged: 2019-07-12 18:22:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16000772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bangyabangya/pseuds/bangyabangya
Summary: The three of them used to have energy together. The dance line. But now it's Hyunjin and Minho who have that energy together, and whenever Felix walks in there's only awkward silence.(little angsty oblivious Felix that turns to poly dance line fluff)





	awkward silence

**Author's Note:**

  * For [zalddow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/zalddow/gifts).



> poly dance line fluff requested by zalddow, sorry it took so long!

For the second time that week, Felix walked in on awkward silence. 

 

He didn't know how to describe it, or how he knew it was different from regular silence. It was just that Minho was practicing a little too hard, and Hyunjin-- Hyunjin was holding his phone  _upside down_. 

It made Felix's mood instantly sour. It's not like the other two weren't allowed to do things without him-- he didn't care-- but why the sudden silence when he walked in? Why for the second time this week? And why-- why did it seem like they were  _hiding_  something from him?

"Hey, Felix," Hyunjin said too casually, putting away his upside-down phone. 

"Hi," Felix said stiffly. He dropped his bag roughly on the couch and started warming up, refusing to look at his hyungs' reflections in the mirror. He didn't miss the quick glance that passed between them, though.

Minho stopped running his part and wiped at his forehead with his sleeve. "How was class?" he asked. Felix had started studying Korean with Woojin twice a week. 

"Fine."

Another glance between the hyungs. For the usually talkative Felix, a single-word answer was a clear cold shoulder. 

The two boys shrugged and let it go, then joined Felix at the mirror. Minho cued the music, and their practice began. 

Normally Felix loved dance line practices. Without the other members, they were free to go as hard as they wanted without leaving anyone behind. The three of them could match each other's pace, match each other's movements and lines and mood. They fit together. 

But not today. 

Today Felix didn't match the others. Hyunjin and Minho were smooth and in sync as always, but Felix just couldn't find their beat. It only made him more and more frustrated as practice went on, and finally he slammed his fist against the mirror in anger. The whole surface shook. 

"Fuck this," he mumbled in English. He spun on his heel and headed for the door, realizing too late he forgot his backpack and not caring enough to go back for it. "I don't feel well," he said in the other's general direction. And then the door slammed shut behind him. 

As soon as he was in the hallway he felt better and worse all at once. The noise of the door was heavy and satisfying, and he had seen Hyunjin wince when his fist had hit the mirror. It was a petty, childish feeling, but he let himself enjoy it for a moment. 

But the black feeling in the pit of his stomach was still there. The sour, sick feeling of being pushed out from where he belonged. 

Because that was it, wasn't it? 

They were three. The dancers. Hyunjin, Minho, and Felix. It was where he fit.

But now... now  _something_  was happening. And whatever it was, it didn't include him. 

* * *

 He avoided them the rest of the day. When Jeongin got home from school Felix stuck to his side, fighting away Seungmin who was usually glued to the maknae. Jeongin was easy to be around and didn't ask many questions, unlike the hyungs or Jisung who would have noticed right away that something had happened and tried to talk it out. 

 

But sitting there in silence as Jeongin did his homework, working on his own Korean textbook, Felix couldn't avoid thinking about practice. At first he was still angry. But then he kept replaying Hyunjin's wince. And he might have been imagining it, but an image of Minho's face, eyes sad and worried, lingered in his mind's eye. 

"Aaaargh," he sighed, running a hand through his hair. Jeongin glanced at him but said nothing. 

_Do I really feel bad?_  he asked himself. He tapped the pencil against his notebook.  _They're the ones who keep shutting me out. All week._ And now that he thought about it, it wasn't just this week. Things had been weird for awhile now. It was just so  _hard_ , though, for Felix to put his finger on it. When you're not fluent, so many things go over your head. He couldn't pick up on subtle hints or intonation; he had to rely on mood and situation instead. 

He didn't have to slam the door, though. He did feel kind of bad about that. And about storming out.  _Maybe I should apologize._

He sighed again and stood up. "Thanks, Jeongin," he said. 

Jeongin looked confused as he watched Felix pack up and head towards the door. "You're welcome?" 

_I'll just say I had a bad day,_  he thought on his way to his room. He didn't know where the other two would be, but in a dorm their size, chances were good that if you visited enough rooms you'd probably find who you were looking for, or at least find someone who knew where they were. 

There were low voices coming from the door to Felix's bedroom.  _Good_. Woojin was in the kitchen and he had left Jeongin in the shared study space, so it had to be Minho. 

Felix swung open the door--

\-- and froze. 

Hyunjin was curled up against Minho's side on the lower bunk. There was nothing unusual about that. There  _shouldn't_  be. Hyunjin loved to stretch himself out against the other members, always laying on top of them and cuddling next to them with no regard for personal space. 

But-- just like earlier-- this was  _different_. His head rested on Minho's shoulder so... so  _intimately_. And when Felix opened the door, he was 90% sure that Minho's lips were pressed softly against Hyunjin's forehead. 

But as soon as they heard the door open, they leapt apart as if they'd been shocked, and Felix was no longer sure exactly what he'd seen. They were still sitting close together, but they weren't touching. Minho was digging in the bedsheets for his phone charger, and Hyunjin was tucking his long hair behind his ears like he did when he was nervous. After a moment he turned and looked at the doorway. Was he--  _blushing_?

"Oh, Felix, hi," he said. He cleared his throat. "I brought your backpack back. Are you feeling better?" 

Minho was watching him carefully. The whole thing-- the audacity of it, the absurdity-- what did he even see? He still wasn't sure-- all of it just brought the anger back. _I can't believe I was going to apologize to them. Fuck them_. He didn't know why he was so mad. Part of him was screaming inside--  _stop and think for a goddamn minute, you idiot-_ \- but he tuned it out. He let the anger take him over. 

"No, actually, I'm not," he said icily. He wanted to say something witty and hurtful. Something biting and cold. But his Korean still wasn't good enough to think of something on the spot, and he knew they wouldn't get it if he said it in English. That just made him angrier. "Get out," he spat. 

Normally he'd be crazy to talk to his hyungs like that. But they  _must_  have felt guilty, because they shot up out of the bed and hurried towards the door without another word. 

As he passed, Minho reached out and laid his hand gently on Felix's arm. "Felix," he said softly, "let's talk about this."

Felix jerked his arm away. "Don't touch me," he growled. 

Minho's face was sad as he pulled back and followed Hyunjin toward the door. Felix managed to keep it together until he heard the  _click_  of the latch. Then he collapsed on his bed and cried. 

He felt like shit. He was still angry at his hyungs for earlier, and now he felt like an idiot for wanting to apologize to them and then walking in on-- on  _that_ , whatever it was. But most of all he just felt lost. He didn't know what was going on between his teammates. He didn't know why they were leaving him out. And worst of all, he didn't know why it made him feel so goddamn  _hurt_. 

Half of him wanted Minho and Hyunjin to come back. To sit on the bed and dry his tears; to tell him everything was ok and that nothing had changed. 

But they didn't. So he cried alone in the dark. 

* * *

 He avoided them after that. If he had a choice he made thin excuses-- stomachaches, forgotten phones and keys at the dorm, plans with other members. When he couldn't get away, he was silent. 

 

It was painful. Hyunjin and Minho tried to engage him at first, but after awhile they gave up. Their once lively dance practices and brainstorming sessions turned flat and stale, and Minho's gaze followed him with sad eyes while Hyunjin couldn't look at him anymore. Everything that used to be perfect and good was now sour and rotten, and Felix didn't know how to make it go back to the way it used to be. 

On the third week, Chan snapped. He had tried to be patient with them. He had taken them all aside individually; asked them what was wrong, let them know he was here to help and listen. Felix had shrugged him off. He didn't know what the others had said, but evidently it hadn't helped. 

"You three," the leader barked. "Out. Now."

The dancers glanced at each other in alarm, feelings momentarily forgotten. Nobody liked getting called out by Chan. His angry-leader mode could be seriously scary. 

The three of them quickly shuffled out of the practice room and into the hallway, eyes on the floor. Chan stood in front of them, arms crossed.

"It's been three weeks," he said. "I asked you all to sort this out. And you  _told me_  you would. But obviously you haven't."

Silence. Nobody dared to answer him. He shook his head. 

"Look at me. All of you."

Felix raised his head. Chan's eyes weren't as angry as he thought they'd be. They were actually... concerned. Soft. 

"The band room is open. Day6 is on tour. Go, and don't come out until you've  _talked_. Got it?"

"Yes," they answered in unison. 

Satisfied, Chan turned on his heel and walked back into the practice room. 

"Come on," Minho said, leading the way. Hyunjin followed with his head hung, and Felix took up the rear. His heart was pounding and his palms were sweating. He was nervous. Like it or not,  _something_  was about to happen. 

* * *

 Felix was seated on the small, round drummer's chair. He spun back and forth nervously and resisted the urge to flick the the drums.

 

In their little group, either Minho or Hyunjin usually started things off. Minho was older, but Hyunjin just had so many ideas and always had trouble keeping them to himself. Today, though-- just like the past few weeks-- Hyunjin seemed withdrawn. So Felix waited for Minho. 

But the older boy seemed to be struggling, too. He fiddled with the unplugged keyboard in front of him, fingers small but slender on the keys. Finally he sighed. 

"Felix," he said heavily, "we didn't mean to hurt you."

It was the right sentiment but the wrong words.  _We_. So, what? Now it was always going to be Minho and Hyunjin together, and Felix on his own? Instantly all of the toxic feelings were brought back, and Felix stopped spinning in his chair. He glared down at the drum kit. 

" _What_?" Minho exclaimed, exasperated. "What did I say? Why are you so mad at me?" Suddenly his voice was shaky. "I don't understand what I've been doing to make you so  _angry_  at me all the time."

Before Felix could open his mouth to reply, he heard sniffling. Hyunjin was crying quietly in the vocalist's seat, sleeve to his face to muffle the sound. 

It tore Felix in two. He couldn't stand to see Hyunjin cry. The other boy was so  _sensitive_ , and anything could set him off, really, but that didn't make it any less painful. He wanted to run over and gather him up into his arms and smooth down his hair and tell him it would be okay.

But Minho's words had made him even angrier. Like he didn't  _know_  what he was doing. Like he had no idea that he'd just been shutting Felix out for weeks-- could he really not have any idea? That stung almost as much.  _He didn't even notice._

"You've been leaving me out of everything!" he shouted. "Even now! You just said ' _we_.' It used to be the  _three_  of us. The dance line." He swallowed hard, trying not to let tears break through his anger. "But for the past few weeks it's only been-- you two." His voice was getting smaller and smaller. "You left me out." 

"Felix--"

But now the words were coming out of him and he couldn't stop. "And suddenly everything was different and I didn't know why. And you didn't tell me anything, but I  _knew_. And then I kept walking in on you and I  _know_  you were talking about me, or-- or something, and don't try to deny it 'cause I deadass caught you with your phone upside down, Hyunjin. And then-- and then that day..." He slowed, trying to process for the millionth time what he had seen. "You were..."

" _Felix_ ," Minho said, more insistently this time. He got up from the keyboard and walked over to the drum kit. He knelt down on his knees so he was eye level with Felix. 

"I'm sorry," he said. He looked Felix straight in the eyes, and Felix could see pain and regret and love there and it made all his anger melt away. "We--  _I_ didn't realize." He reached out and took Felix's hand. He held it gently between his own, stroking the soft skin. Their hands were the same size. "I never wanted to hurt you. Do you believe me?"

Felix gulped. The air was suddenly thick with a different kind of tension. Something he couldn't identify. 

"Yeah," he said quietly. "I believe you." He glanced over at Hyunjin. The other boy was no longer crying, but he was looking at Felix and Minho intensely, with red-rimmed eyes and splotchy cheeks. "But... what's been going on? You can't tell me that something hasn't been different lately."

Minho and Hyunjin turned to look at one another, passing some unspoken words between them. 

"See?" Felix accused. "That's exactly what I mean. Things like that."

Minho sighed and grasped Felix's hand tighter. "I'm sorry," he said again. "I... Felix, I should have handled it better. I can't take that back. I'm sorry. But I promise, leaving you out is the  _opposite_  of what we want." 

Felix pulled his hand away. The words Minho had just used-- there was something heavy and insinuating about them. But he still didn't know enough to pick up the exact meaning, and it frustrated him. "I can't understand you," he said, hearing the slight whine to his own voice and hating it. 

"I told you you were being too subtle, hyung." It was Hyunjin. He had risen from his stool and was standing behind Minho, a grumpy look on his face.

"I came right out and said it!" Minho protested.

"Said what?" Felix asked, confused.

They ignored him. "No, you didn't," Hyunjin said. "You were hinting. I  _told_  you." 

Now it was Hyunjin who knelt down in front of Felix. It was cramped, the three of them there behind the drum kit, but Hyunjin didn't seem to mind. When he looked up at Felix he was beaming. 

"We love you," he said. 

Felix frowned, confused. "I love you guys too? But--"

"No," Hyunjin interrupted firmly. "Not like you say to the others." He reached up and swept Felix's hair out of his eyes. The gesture was sweet and soft and... loving. Like Hyunjin had always been to him. "For  _real_. We love you, Felix." 

"We love you," Minho echoed. "I was trying to tell you. I was trying to tell you both. Hyunjin picked up on it and came to talk to me, but-- I thought-- I thought you didn't..."

Hyunjin put an arm around Minho and squeezed. "I told you. He just didn't understand. It's okay."

Minho nodded and sniffed. Suddenly Felix got the impression that Minho and Hyunjin had been hurting just as much as he had over these past few weeks.

"Tell him," Hyunjin nudged.

"Everything you said, Felix... we don't want that. We don't want to be the two of us. We want to be three. We  _belong_  together. That's... That's how I feel."

Hyunjin nodded, still beaming. His hand closed tightly over one of Felix's, and Minho took the other. They watched him.

Felix was overwhelmed. So many thoughts were running through his head, clambering over one another, each one pushing to be on top--

_I_  did  _see Minho kiss Hyunjin's head that day,_  he settled on first. _I'm not crazy._

And then,  _holy shit._

He felt dizzy. And suddenly everything made sense. All of the gaps, everything that was missing, it all came together. 

Before the awkward silences, there had been the other awkward thing. Awkward Minho. Minho was always a little off-beat so it took awhile for Felix to notice, but this was extreme even for him. The older boy was unusually fidgety, and kept cracking strange jokes. Then he started making comments during practice. Unusual comments. Things like the three of them being together forever. Felix had just smiled happily and agreed. He didn't think anything of it, and Minho always seemed agitated afterwards.  

"Oh," he finally said. " _Oh_."

Hyunjin shouldered against Minho, playful and loving all at once. "Told you," he said again. "Now he gets it."

Minho squeezed Felix's hand. "I love all the members, but... there's something special about the three of us. We have a connection when we dance." He ran his thumb lightly across Felix's knuckles. His words and the touch sent a shiver down Felix's spine. "But I think it can be more than that. I  _want_  it to be." He exhaled, like getting the words out had been difficult. "There, was that direct enough for you, Hyunjin-ah?" 

"Don't ask me," Hyunjin shrugged. "Ask Felix."

Felix gulped. "I understood you." He realized his answer was non-committal, and Minho's face fell slightly. 

"You don't have to answer right away," the oldest said in a rush. "And I mean-- if you don't... if you're not--"

"Don't be stupid," Felix interrupted. "These have been the worst weeks of my life." He sniffled a little. His cheeks were wet but he didn't care. "Never leave me out again."

Silence fell over the band room as his words sunk in, then both Hyunjin and Minho were on their feet, trying to put their arms around Felix and each other at the same time and nearly pushing Felix off the tiny drummer's stool. Hyunjin was crying, too, and Minho thumbed the tears away from both of their faces. 

"We won't," Minho said, brushing aside Felix's fringe and pressing his lips against the skin of his forehead, just as Felix had seen him do to Hyunjin so many long, painful days ago. "Never again." Felix didn't know who was speaking now. He had a feeling it didn't matter. 

"I promise."

**Author's Note:**

> uwhehehe this was fun. I take fic requests! lemme know if there's anything you wanna read next~


End file.
